My 100th Post February 23, 2008

In bloggy tradition, I am posting “My 100 Things” because this is my 100^th post. To me, this seems a bit narcissistic. It took me a looooong time to even think of 100 things about myself to write down. Husband had to help. I am going to slide it in here quickly and go on to another post in hopes that you won’t think me completely self-absorbed. But I have to admit, it was fun for about this first 38…after that, I was scrounging. So here it is!

My 100 Things

If you don’t read it, I will not feel bad.

Still Searching… February 12, 2008

 

Back by popular demand (does my own thrill at what people type in to find my blog count as “demand”?), answers to those of you who found my blog by searching for the following:

 

Depraved mom

Yes, yes I am.

when apple computers were made

I do not know. But many early MECC games were made in Minnesota!

substitute mother issues

Again with the substitute mother. Perhaps the fact that she’s a substitute is contributing to your “issues”?

rad apple

From a gnarly tree.

Stirrup pants soccer

If this is a new sport, please don’t sign me up. I have had enough of stirrup pants, and I never want to see them again.

Girbaud taped jeans

Now that was a fad that never made it to MN – taped jeans.

I WONDER HOW COME WE ARE FRIENDS

ME TOO, BECAUSE ALL YOU DO IS SHOUT AT ME!

pressure on holidays and moms

More on moms than on the holidays themselves…

myspace graphics that say sweet pea

I do not, I will not belong to myspace. But I have a sweet pea. Her name is Anja.

“naked” joshua tree

Why would you want to see them naked? They belong to the plant kingdom.

daddy why will you not spend time with u

Here could be a reason…

 

Who Dares Me to Do This at Work? January 29, 2008

Cuz I totally will.  Pull that baby out in a meeting and start crunching away…

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=21061966

Searching… January 25, 2008

I was checking through the search terms people have typed in to find my blog.  In case any of them are you, I thought I’d try and be helpful by answering back:

Red Apple, poison

            I don’t recall writing about this…

Owe friend money

            Why would someone be searching for this online?  Go talk to your friend, man.

December Minnesota valentine

            Valentine’s Day happens in ALL the states, and it’s in February, moron.

mother kills postpartum Minnesota

            Minnesota gave birth?  And someone killed it?  A mother, no less…how sad.

my car my car tan sierra tan sierra

            WHAT?

alternate names for substitute mother

            Hmm…I have a few suggestions: Fraud Broad, Proxy Mom, or simply “The Replacement”

any program help mom car sit free

            I doubt your mom will car-sit for you for free.  You’ll probably have to pay her at least a dollar.

what does “how far we’ve come” mean

            I’m not sure myself, friend.

owe in money in Minnesota

            You owe me money?  Awesome—fork it over.  I hope it’s a lot…

poems of bad friends

            Oh yes, they are bad friends, because they never leave any poems in the comments!

Total Depravity January 24, 2008

I love that my pastor is able to laugh at this:

On a more serious note, in honor of MLK, Jr. Day, he preached a great sermon (which is rare on this topic, in my opinion) on racial reconciliation this Sunday.  You can watch, listen or read the manuscript here:

Probability, Prejudice, and Christ

I’d love to hear what you think!

What says style like: January 22, 2008

• Stonewashed, tight-rolled jeans?
• Skirts attached to knit leggings?
• Scrunch socks?
• Stirrup pants (please, please make my legs look like triangles!)?
• Slap bracelets (banned from my school!)?
• Umbros (soccer, anyone?)?
• Zubaz (oh, the horror of these pants)?
• Hypercolor (because I want people to see that my armpits are hot)?
• Roo’s?
• BK’s?
• Debbie Gibson’s hat?
• Starter jackets (only ours were nylon with hoods)?
• Russells?
• Girbaud jeans (that little tag on the crotch = your ticket to coolness)?
• Grunge?
• Baby Tees?
• Scrunchies and spiky bangs?
• Super-large sweatshirts and tapered-leg jeans?

 

Ah…the dream that is growing up in the 80s and 90s. I lived that dream. Don’t you ALL wish you had? Give me polyester any day!

The Naked Brother January 15, 2008

Here’s a fun little story. I don’t have very many of these stored up–I think I haven’t been a mom long enough. Give me a few years and I can have one a week!

So, anyway…my brother-in-law (we’ll call him Pinkus) has Down Syndrome. He’s got a lot of little endearing quirks (some admittedly more annoying than endearing), but this story is not about one of them. It is about nudity. Yep.

When Husband and I were first married, we always stayed in his parents’ room when we were at his house. It is on the main level, down at the end of a hallway. On the way from the main entrance down the hallway, you pass a study area, Sister-in-Law’s room, a bathroom (in a little nook) and Pinkus’s room. (see layout below)

One night I was heading down for bed, and as I rounded the corner past Sister-in-Law’s room, I got an eye-full. There Pinkus stood, in his doorway, humming (he does this often) and wearing only slippers. I paused briefly in shock, long enough to see Pinkus quickly slam his sliding door. Funniest part: Pinkus’s door is glass. I could still see right through it. I averted my eyes, held my breath, and quickly shuffled by. I turned around to close the master bedroom door and saw his naked arse high-tailing it down the hallway to the other end of the house, with his raggy long-armed monkey puppets (his “security blanket” of sorts) hanging from beneath his arms. I couldn’t help it–I closed the door and busted out laughing. I waited and waited for Husband to come down so I could relate the whole story, and he, too, had a hearty chuckle.

Thankfully, I don’t think Pinkus remembers this distressing episode, or it would probably affect our relationship today. Me, I just saw my retarded brother-in-law in nothing but slippers. Like water off a duck’s back, I tell ya.

Fun Winter-y Things in Minnesota December 28, 2007

Oh my gosh. I thought I posted this weeks ago. Bummer. Here it is, a little late:

1) Holidazzle Parade*

2) St. Paul Winter Carnival (and ICE PALACE!!!)

Yes, we’re that nuts.

3) Snow (not everyone has this, you know). I can’t imagine having never seen a “white Christmas”!**

4) Hockey (like 1 of every 3 people play…it’s ridiculous)

5) Dayton’s Marshall Field’s Macy’s Christmas Display (this is supposedly the last year for it…bummer…)

6) This year…Figure Skating Championships!!!

I’m sure there’s much more. I’m just too lazy to write about them all. What makes your state great in the winter?

 

*As a complete side note, my friend Amy and I were at the Holidazzle this past weekend. The parade was about to begin, and we decided to run across the street to get a better spot out of the wind. About 2/3 the way across I hit a seam in the concrete with my toe and stumbled a bit. My other foot shot out to catch me, only to hit the same blasted piece of concrete. In complete slow motion, my knees hit the pavement, followed by the rest of me. Flat. On. My. Face. My purse flew out of my hands. Amy turned around and, laughing, said, “Are you alright? I shouldn’t be laughing, but I just turned and was like—where’d she go?” Yup. I was okay. Pride hurt more than anything. I don’t think I’ve had an all-out flat-on-my-face fall since I was about 7. Call me Grace. Guess those dancing lessons (where I’m supposedly learning balance and poise) are a big waste of money. By the way, the next day I had a huge bruise. Normally I’d be mad having that at this time of year, but since starting a blog, injuries have become much more fun. Kind of like a trophy! Because you’re laughing with me, right? Not at me.

**Please forgive my nonparallel structure.

 

Blogger comes around…or not. December 21, 2007

Nice to see that Gmail had pity on those fools (like me) who opted for a non-Blogger account. Do you know how frustrating it’s been to comment these past couple of weeks on all my friends’ Blogspot sites? Typing in “Heidi (minnesotamom.wordpress.com)” every time got really, really old. Who’s going to visit my blog if they have to copy and paste my URL? Ugh. I guess the masses must have complained LOUD and LONG enough that the Empire that is Google decided they would allow lowlies (like me) a space to put their URL. Nice. Thanks, Empire.

I still really like Google and use it on a daily basis. In fact, I think I once said they should rightfully rule the world…so I guess I can’t really blame them for trying.

———–

Okay, I’m back 5 minutes later to complain. Turns out that Google just puts that little URL spot in there to pacify people like me. I type it in, thinking it will link to my site, when, in actuality, it just collapses my comment. I’m back to my parentheses and hoping that my Blogger friends will have the patience and fortitude it takes to copy and paste. Sigh…

Happy Feet November 30, 2007

Actually, Happy Face. I’m one of the only women I know…

…who practices making awful and/or funny faces in the mirror. Maybe I’m mistaken, but I think most women practice looking good in the mirror. My friend, Hibby, is well-known for her ability to always look fabulously posed (well, except this one time). She’s so photogenic! Meanwhile, I’ve always got an awkward arm, or I’m turning my head the wrong way. So I figure, why not go with that? Be even MORE awkward. OBVIOUSLY awkward. Here’s a small sampling of a session I had the other night in the hallway (ignore the yucky spots on my mirror–baby fingerprints!):

And here’s my favorite from my New Year’s party last year:

Stunning, eh?