Thank you all for your overwhelming support–the comments, the emails. You guys are so kind and encouraging.
I posted some photos of someone besides my daughter today, so if you’ve already requested a link and have it, go check it out. For those of you who missed my last post, if you would like a link sent to you, either comment here that you’re interested in getting it or shoot me an email.
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In other interesting news, my daughter fell down the stairs today at the sitter’s. I was NOT happy, and had to scurry out of there before I started crying. Her sitter told me in a very nonchalant way, which:
A. Made me concerned that she should have been MORE concerned and called me at work to let me know
B. Made me less concerned because she must’ve thought Anja was alright
What would you have done? Bawled her out right there? Anja only has one more week with this sitter and then she’s on to a new daycare, and since it’s only 1 1/2 days each week, Husband suggested I keep her home next week and he’ll take the extra half day off work to watch her himself. Is that wrong? Will it convey unforgiveness to our current sitter? They don’t have a gate at their stairwell, so I’m just concerned that it could happen again…
Minnesota Mom 
Heidi, a CHILDCARE worker (in home or not) who doesn’t have a gate at the stairs is asking for it. I’m right there with ya… I’d be appalled, frightened and disappointed at the sitter’s behavior.
IMO, she should have phoned you, but at that moment, conveyed to you that everything was okay but, that you needn’t come early, etc. But, at least let you make that decision, not her.
I think you should do what you feel in your heart is best for Anja. If your husband is on-board with keeping her at home next week, then stand firm with him and do what you think is appropriate. If the sitter is upset, then that is okay. It doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven her, it just means you no longer trust her care. Two different things.
I’d love having the link to your new photography blog.
The sitter should have called you. Perhaps she underestimated Anja’s mobility and didn’t think a gate was necessary? Not excusing the sitter, but I can remember incidents when I’ve underestimated my children’s abilities and they have found themselves tumbling, stuck, pinched, etc.
The first time Beatrix noticed the stairs as a new crawler, she climbed almost all the way to the top. Surprise! The gate was retrieved from the basement, immediately.
Don’t worry about hurting feelings by keeping Anja home next week. You’ll have peace of mind.
I’d keep her home. The attitude of the childcare worker is troubling in that I believe she should have called you. And as Erica says above, I think a childcare worker who doesn’t have a gate at a set of stairs is asking for trouble.
Listen to that quiet voice within you, the Lord gave you that to help you mother your daughter!
As for forgiveness and returning your daughter to that place — I think they are two seperate issues. Just because you have forgiven someone doesn’t mean you’ll place yourself or someone you love back in the same situation. Do you know what I mean?
I could regale you with fantastic instances of my drug-taking older sister and my forgiveness of her, but that would take too long. Still, I don’t trust my children to her care. I’ve had many talks with my pastor about this and his guidance has been helpful.
I take it Anja is completely ok after this?
Keep her home! In my state of Georgia, childcare providers are required by law to have their homes properly child-proofed. Having unguarded stairs shows lack of concern for the children’s well-being.
Thanks for the helpful advice, ladies. I should point out that we have a sitter at this point, not a licensed childcare provider. But that doesn’t absolve responsibility, as we still placed Anja in her care trusting that she would safeguard from such events.
I think we will do our best to convey forgiveness but keep her home next week nonetheless.
I just found your site…I’m just getting into photography and would love to see your work. I’m from MN too!
Thanks.
Kar
I’d keep my girl home as well…and you’ll save money by having her home for a week too. 🙂
Aww, does she have any bumps/bruises? Poor little pumpkin.
I think you and your husband are completely justified in your desire to keep her home for this brief time period. It sounds like there is a legitimate risk of this happening again. If you do decide to keep her at home, though, I would be sure to explain your reasoning to the sitter. Tell her that you forgive her, but that you have some concerns. Bringing this to her attention may help to keep another child safe in the future — you never know. Bottom line … it’s never wrong to be honest and straightforward.
I’d keep her home, too. Then you won’t worry, won’t wonder, and Anja will get to spend some extra time with Mom and Dad. 🙂
If keeping her home puts you at ease, I think you should do it.
I’ll offer another perspective to – I nanny very regularly, mostly for toddlers and young children, though I haven’t watched babies on a regular basis for a little while. I think your option B may be more true than you think. As a nanny, unless a mom and dad has specifically said I should call them at work for such instances, I’d be hesitant too. If the child or baby is not visibly injured (bruises, cuts, bleeding, non-stop crying), I would not want to disrupt the parents’ day. It might cause more worry than necessary. So I can understand why your sitter may not have called.
That being said, not having a baby gate for a staircase is NOT a good idea. Kids, toddlers, and even babies are pretty resilient and can handle a lot more than we think, but I definitely took some good tumbles down the stairs when I was a kid and I still remember how not fun they were. Like LuLu said, do your sitter the favor – if you decide to keep Anja home for this reason, definitely explain your reasoning in the very Minnesota-nice way I’m sure you’re capable of 🙂
She NEEDS to hear that she NEEDS to get a baby gate NOW and that she NEEDS to report injuries to parents IMMIDIATELY. I’m glad your girl is okay!
And your photography website is BEAUTIFUL! GORGEOUS!
I’d love a link to your photo website, too. 😉
On the babysitter thing, did she tell you how many stairs she fell down? Was it just a few, or the entire flight? My kids have taken plenty of tumbles on the stairs, thankfully most of them were near the bottom. 😦 And we had installed a gate, too! It’s really scary and upsetting the first time, so I understand the feelings you’re dealing with. Fortunately there were never any serious injuries with my kids. Accidents happen – even after they figured out how to navigate the stairs – sometimes they even slip now – and they’re 4 and 7 – they just get in a hurry. I don’t know how feasable it is for you to keep Anja at home, but have you been happy with the sitter in the past? Try to look at the overall picture instead of focusing on one instance. Clear and open communication is probably key, too. If you would like the sitter to call you at work – make sure she knows under what circumstances you would appreciate a call. And tell her it’s time a baby gate was installed – if she doesn’t have one, maybe you could loan her yours for the coming week (if that’s possible). I’m so glad that Anja is okay. She’s growing up fast! I miss those cuddly days – now I have to catch mine for a quick squeeze. 🙂 ~Dawn
You could have gone “junior high” on her and pushed her down the stairs to see how she liked it… okay, not the best plan I suppose… I’d lean more toward B.
As someone watching other people’s (child) children, she should under all circumstances have a baby gate. That being said, I think option B is probably more along the lines of what happened.
We’ve got stairs at our house, and we don’t use baby gates for our kids; we train them to stay away from stairs. And yes, we’ve had some falls, too! But we always keep a gate within easy access, because not all parents have stairs, not all kids are ready for stairs at the same ages, and not all parents share our ‘view’ on stairs.
If you’re more comfortable having A at home, keep her there! It’s just a week, and she can have some great bonding time with you and her dad; I’m not seeing a lot of downsides in that situation! 🙂
Oh, and I totally want to see your photog website!
~Brea
Here is MHO about daycare and injuries (and by the way, mine knows very well how I feel about this), I dont care if he skins his knee, or falls down stairs – call me. I will determine what I need or dont need to do. This became esp important to me after last fall when Jadon got ITP. Had he fallen and she ignored it, he could have bled internally. Its a major fluke that he got ITP, but it backs up my feeling that as his mom, I should always know that is happening to my child.